Sports Dad Mania: 5 Helpful Tips

Parents and sports can be a volatile mix. The overly emotional and explosive connections are not just confined to dads either. Sadly we have seen actual fatalities occur in recent years. We need to nip this in the bud for ourselves and our kids.
In years past I spent a decade officiating High School Basketball as a single guy. I encountered everything from drunken yahoos to Local TV personalities with an ego to coaches from other teams hammering out their blackball list for the playoffs. In between all that mess were many sane, balanced and professional moms, dads, coaches and others rolling down a given season's ups and downs.
Having purposed not to recreate the insanity I saw from the business end of the whistle should I ever be a sports dad let me make a few suggestions.

1. Broaden your involvement and perspective.
2. Join the local sports boosters.
3. Run the concessions.
4. Coach a team or two.
5. Officiate a sport (in a league your kids have no ties to).

It is natural to want our kids to excel. What is not natural, healthy or helpful is when the motive is mostly vicarious. In other words our own unfinished business, past successes or failures get projected onto our son or daughter. By broadening our connections to the local sports support groups we create our own healthy outlet where we can sew into many kids experience. This leaves our children able to be about their business on the field unencumbered by what we left undone decades before.

For me it helps to have seven kids. There is just no way to be over shadowing so many. I had 3 sons on one baseball team this year, each very different in focus and ability. I also had 1 daughter in softball, another in HS cross country, one in band, and one in soccer and coached a Basket ball team to an 8-1 season with ongoing dance and piano lessons for fun.

If you feel stressed at games and nagged at home, step back and find your outlet. Set an example for your kids to follow when they are the grey hair that never quite could or wishes he could again. You might find helping a whole bunch of kids so much more fun and fulfilling. As for the nagging thing, hey you are on your own!
Blessings,

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Spiritual Jujitsu and Other Fighting Tips for the Poorly Fathered

Sometimes growing up is the battle of a lifetime. All too often the very one who should be our trainer, coach and mentor is in reality our first adversary. With or without intent, by abandonment or in person a Bad Dad is the first high hurdle some face. Sadly, many may never clear this obstacle. Still, I have learned a trick or two bouncing off the mats towards maturity and I am not afraid to share.

I say I am not afraid because someone can perhaps spin a sadder tale of woes and struggle than you or I can. The value in the story is not simply the height of the mountains faced and conquered. More important are the techniques that enable victory and the reason for fighting in the first place.

My personal heartrending yarn begins with my mom and dads break-up in 1964. Dad was a truck driver, rarely around. It seems he was a good time kind of guy. Guitars, honky-tonks and hillbilly music so to say.

In a few years, my mom re-married and I had a step-dad. Interesting chap always had a 25-caliber pistol in the small of his pants. Under his careful watch, I learned how to load rocks and gravel properly on a wheelbarrow, proper concrete mixture techniques as well as the fine art of stonewall construction. For a five year old, this seemed fun for about six minutes.

By middle school, it was accepted knowledge in my “family” that I was a stupid, worthless, talentless and ugly oaf whose laziness was the stuff of legends. Anger had long ago grown into bitterness and whole hearted hatred for me. So when a second round of parental infidelity and divorce erupted I was well equipped to embrace the dysfunction.

During this period, my mom had a nervous breakdown. For the better part of this time, she took her pills, drank cheap wine and cried. I hated watching her suffer all the while not quite able to understand much beyond the hate or to help beyond refilling her glass.

I share this sob story simply to point out that I have not recreated the hurts and chaos I was born and bred to continue. In fact, I have been married for nearly 20 years to one wonderful woman. I have seven children who range from high school to toddlerdom. Four of which are currently six-year-old quadruplet and I have been their at-home dad for some seven years.

What happened you wonder? Well, a bit of spiritual jujitsu, you might say. Oh, I spent a wayward youth and young adulthood. However, one night, Valentines Evening 1987 to be exact, I found out that God cared. That was the crazy evening that He put a snowplow in my path. While I was going 60 miles an hour!

No this is not an illustrative verse, an allegory, metaphor or what ever. I hit a snowplow! I hit it good and I hit it hard. I should have died but I did not even bleed. I later saw pictures of my car. If you had been in the back, you would have died, if you were in the passenger seat they would have had to bury the whole car to make sure they got all of you. I had only a big bruise right over my heart. Now there is your metaphor.

Now I am not an evangelist. I am just your average at home dad of Quads plus three. My goal is not preaching. It is simply to share the flat out in your face truth that turns all the anguish and hurt aimed at you, now and over the years, across your hip, over your shoulders and flat on it’s evil ass. Learn this one simple move and you will be able to toss the weight of the world off your back.

It is as simple as just plain Forgiveness! Yea I had a messed up dad and an even more messed up step-dad. Sure mom lost it and I was a messed up dude who made many bad choices. Nevertheless, the anger, the bitterness and wholehearted hatred I carried for them and I was nothing more than a chokehold from hell itself.

Our culture is dying one poorly parented child at a time. There is no government solution to this. Nor any social redefinition of marriage or family that will make a thimble full of difference. This all takes places in the heart and soul of guys like you and me. This is the battle of our lifetime. The reason to fight straddles the gulf between our own personal eternity and the hearts and future of the children we father.

It is easy to forgive when you know you have been forgiven. It is also easier to follow an example than make it up on your own. This is where Christ made the difference for me. Now I am not an evangelist but I have seen and been a part of a miracle. Come to my house for a day and you will see it too.

My dad, he was drafted at 18 into the first wave of the Korean War and drove a truck for the Marines. By age 20, he had three Bronze Stars and accompanying Purple Hearts. That means he went through hell in a hat basket. He never got all the way over it either.

My step-dad was raised with an alcoholic father that beat him for sport. By 19, he had enlisted in the Navy and went out on liberty only to tie on a blind drunk that ended in a killing. From age 20 to 31, he was on the chain gang in the Georgia State Penal system for manslaughter. By age 33, he was parenting my brother and me.

Mom had lost her dad at 13 and developed a heart to help broken men. She did not realize that some wounds need a savior to truly mend the damage. She paid a high price for her well-intentioned efforts.

You see I know all this now and I can look back with compassion and love. I can let them all go and leave the hate and the hurt behind. This is the reason I purpose to be a dad like none my families history has ever seen. Forgiven, whole and aware of his place in the chain of fathers, sons, daughters and destiny.

This guys, is my lesson in fighting the battle of your lifetime. It can be done and won. Spiritual jujitsu, bending like a reed in the wind and letting the pain blow away. Sound too simple but it takes time and practice. If you need an example that is my hope. Look at me and see a tiny bit of Jesus and the heart of the Father He and I share. In their care all the fighting ends and your own victory begins. Do not linger for your own snowplow to join us; your kids may not have the time to wait.

Parenting for Fun and Profit?
By now everyone has seen the merriment and mayhem of parents and their multiples on “Reality TV”. All the free VIP tours of resort parks, major tourist locales and name brand shopping chains have sent many flocking for IVF treatment. Or was there anyone beside Nadja Suleman? Take it from me what you see on TV is about as reliable as the “Mixxie Chopper” for $5.99 that dices, slices and screens annoying calls. Of course the “mixxie “will fall apart the 1st time it leaves your dishwasher and so sadly do most of the made for TV family cash ins. Remember this, whatever they are selling on TV; if you don’t buy it, it goes away! The trouble is too many are buying into these concocted “family” circuses.

Parenting today is a most serious business. Just Goggle “parenting books” you will find 14 million 5 hundred thousand hits! Try “parenting author” you get a mere 18 million 6 hundred thousand. Forgive me if I sound a bit jaded but I have an unusual perspective. Yes I am an at home dad, of quadruplets plus three. Yep, teens to toddlers with 40 acres, 8 dogs, 8 horses, a smattering of cattle and Lord knows how many cats (all spayed or neutered).


Now I am not alone here in the mega dad pool, Brian Reid http://www.rebeldad.com/, Dennis Ross http://www.iparenting.com/dad/0702.htm , http://personalweb.about.com/gi/o.htm?zi=1/XJ&zTi=1&sdn=personalweb&cdn=compute&tm=191&gps=219_383_1020_567&f=10&su=p284.9.336.ip_p504.1.336.ip_&tt=11&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//quads9.homestead.com/ and maybe a few more deserve some acclaim for having made it through the challenge of a domestic male in the middle of mega multiples and more. I believe myself, Mr. Reid, Mr. Ross and many amazing everyday at-home dads, at-home-moms and just regular moms and dads, grandparents and a myriad of steps all have one thing in common. Our priority and focus is on our kids. Not so much the next round of “Dancing With the Stars”, finding a spot on the “Today Show”, revamping our failed “shows” to keep cashing in on Cable TV’s big-top sideshow revue.



People who parent as a priority, not a profession, let alone as a media personality are the greatest asset our kids and culture have. Some simply prioritize family in an effort to recreate the warm healthy home they flourished in. Others purpose not to recreate the disruptions and confusion of a home life broken, bruised, confused yet overcome. Still more are a little lost having no healthy template to go by and circumstances out of their control. In some of those 14 million 5 hundred thousand hits for “parenting books” there is actually some really good stuff but the real help is closer to you than cyberspace or Books-A-Near-Billion.

Clubs and organizations are out there but they are only as great as the successful parents in them. Those that are making it happen and doing it well must reach out and share their victories, wisdom, heart and purpose. Daddys Home http://www.daddyshome.com/, Mothers of Preschoolershttp://www.mops.org/ , Mothers of Multipleshttp://www.mothersofmultiples.com/, Parents without Partners http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org/ and many others are great resources but it is the personal connections, friendships and outreach they offer that can make the difference.

So as summer brings us the promise of refurbishes and reruns of somewhat entertaining yet potentially destructive, exploitive and dysfunctional “family” entertainment check around for some real relational space you might share with a real family that deserves some help. Offer to baby-sit, call to include or strike up a casual affirming conversation. You do not need to write a book or give a sermon, just set some examples and offer a sincere hand. Your real life connection and caring might mute some of the noise our cash-in culture keep blaring like a crazed carnival barker. Near desperate to promote their half-baked household cabarets with their highly lucrative commercials and freaky future episode promos that keep all three rings roaring along.
* Photos courtesy of http://www.freephotos.com or public domain.

I've got Mail

Being a dad or a mom is not always easy. It has always seemed as if parenting provides a small view of God’s perspective on folks in general. There is that protective and nurturing season, where the nearly helpless infant needs nearly everything to be done for them. Then the progressive independence that leads to a time of teenaged near blind rebellion. Yep, parenting is a lens that shows so much about our own shortcomings and seditious spirits. That is if we make the humbling effort to distinguish it in the clutter a busy day of parenting.

It is far too easy to just barrel through and not take notice of how we act and react to our kids in all their twists, turns and sputters towards maturity. Many times we find ourselves regretting how we handled a circumstance or two. It is a tricky business dealing with the various differences in stages, personalities and temperaments. Even more so, I suppose for those like we who have several at the same age at the same time. Indeed, I find myself wishing sometimes that our Quads were back at that hectic but predicable infant age. That was a time consuming stage but if planned properly it was manageable and easy to understand.

I guess what I am attempting to explain is what God has dropped in my mailbox today. I am inadequate to the task. I cannot grasp it all from toddler to teen in our home here today. I cannot see over the horizon to what adult kids with tweeners and kindergartener will look like. I cannot guess what grandkids and teen Quads with a tweener will require. On even until all the kids are gone and ….

What God seems to telling me is that I am not sufficient. Even I and my amazing wife together are still not sufficient. But we are able if we accept the Grace to be inadequate, insufficient and less than perfect. That Grace is sufficient. Having done all things we must stand in faith of His Grace. Humbled by the overwhelming realization that in all our season until nothing but pictures and fond memories remain of our unique time. His Grace is more than able to accomplish all that is before us and more. Indeed it will accomplish His will. Even more so if I will let loose of my own!

There, I feel better having shared the mail. I can do this with my peace restored and full of happy expectation because I am not in control. So if you are having one of those out of control kind of days. Stop and check your mailbox or just write your name over this address and let the weight slip off of your shoulder and on to His.

Kate Gosselin: SuperStar!!!

Kate Gossilen is truly a star now, no SuperStar! Her light twinkles in the faux skies of Hollywood working the angles and elbowing after the gilded ring of small screen success. Her claim to fame and major talent? The use of IVF, conception of higher-order multiples and one failed high profile marriage as seen on TV. Now we are to believe that in order to “keep her family fed” to steal a line from The Beverly Hillbillies, she must be about the business of celebrity and stardom. I mean why let all that expensive plastic surgery, designer hair treatment, personal training and publicist staffing go to waste. Of course perhaps if the money had been invested, saved or earmarked to a trust fund for the welfare of the children. Jon & Kate might still be a couple and their show still reigning on TLC but I digress.

Nearly two years ago I began to question the dangers of exploiting higher-order multiples for fun and profit by their parents. I did it in the pages of Twins’ Magazine, America’s #1 magazine for parents of multiples for some 25 years. At the time I was a columnist at Twin’s and had been contacted by several TV and network TV producers regarding my family of 7 kids with quadruplets in the middle and myself the at-home dad and my amazing wife the successful business women and mega-mom. Jon & Kate were at that time darlings of TLC and promoting a book published by Christian publisher Zondervan. Oh yes indeed God was all in their marriage, conception and etcetera, on and on blah, blah, blah.

Needless to say I experienced some pushback and found my articles no longer needed. In less than two months however Jon & Kate imploded and were off the air in about a year. Now I know I did not cause that to happen but what I had pointed out was correct. The real parenting “stars” are the folks in the trenches. The ones, who do the 2am feedings, change the countless diapers; wash the mountains of laundry and acres of bottles, dishes and Sippy cups. These are those that have no nannies, receive no royalties, gain no notoriety nor enter Disney or other resorts for free with film crew in tow.

Now Kate peruses among the “swimming pools and movie stars” as a “THE” working single mom of note. Let me re state that this is just sad and somewhat sick. There is more failure here than star power and failure where it counts the most. In a marriage that is now some type of broken, blended spectacle and curiosity. I understand fully that therefore but by the grace of God and a heap of hillbilly common sense go me and mine. I can say that with all sincerity and credentials. I hope any that employ Ms. Gosselin will take steps to see that the children get the benefits. I also pray that those that have sat in the parenting frontlines and not flinched, faltered or been famed get the kudos for being the real stars not some would-be reality SuperStar.

Waiting for Change at the Obama Red Light

Where is the intersection of family survival, political commentary and governmental malpractice? Somewhere at the corner of “why are we spending our children’s future” boulevard and “will you please stop the spending” street! Indeed, we have all arrived at this frustrating and overcrowded confluence and we cannot make the current crop of economic traffic cops rouse themselves and change directions.
Last week the voters of the proud Bay State stood and clearly rejected the nonsense going on in Washington. From bribery for healthcare reform to surcharge fees on financial institutions to payback TARP money. Even Tarp money not lent to them. Even if they have paid back their own Tarp money. The outcome was amazing and its meanings rather obvious. Yet here we are at this confusing and congested junction where the Obama pile-up is whirling back into spin mode.
We are to believe now that The Massachusetts Miracle really means the Bay Staters support Obama policies. No less an authority than Gallop has been sighted by the White House. Who are we to question the questions, methodologies or sampling controls? Why we are after all, ignorant and manipulated troglodytes, especially we southern types, dumber than dirt clinging to guns and God.
We are simply lost at this big city crossroads, feebly attempting to deny Marx and the inevitable evolution of capitalism to socialism on the way towards Communism. After all we voted for change. Now that is all we have in our pockets and we should shut and send that in too! Gee when did Massachusetts become a southern state any way?
What will it take to clear all the wreckage and get the economic traffic running smoothly? My guess is nothing will suffice until political control is wrested from these idealist clowns and teleprompter talking heads shaky misguided hands. They will not stop so we must remove them one vote and election after another.
The process is well under way. Denial will keep the faithful base around a bit longer for Obama and his B-team hacks but the day of reckoning is coming. In the mean time we must remind our congressmen and senators nearly every day. We will get past the corner of “why are we spending our children’s future” boulevard and “will you please stop the spending” street. We will not be taking them with us when we crossover either!
My guess is lots of reaching into the borrowed future tax receipts “Santa-Bag” for little toys and cookies. Like, double the child tax credit, as long as you are not “rich” or employer funded retirement IRA’s. Sadly if you are in the nearly 17% of unadjusted unemployed, a tax credit on earning that do not exist and forcing the employer you do not have to cough up a new benefit will do little for you. But hey, at least Santa came, right
Moms, dads, uncles, aunts, friends and all others not mentioned, we are in a historic time at an historic place. The corner of “why are we spending our children’s future” boulevard and “will you please stop the spending” street is our turning point or our breaking point. Our kids first five years of earnings already belong to China and we can afford no more damage to their future to roll out of a deaf and deluded Washington D.C.
We need to take our place beside the Bay Staters, tea partiers and motivated thinking independent Americans and shout this nonsense down. Refill the switchboards, inboxes, editorial pages, blogs and ballot boxes until the light finally changes and we blow past hopeless change and leave the corner of “why are we spending our children’s future” boulevard and “will you please stop the spending” street way back in the rear view mirror!

The Obama Spin and Pile Up

How did team Obama spinout, hitting the wall and now sit smoking in denial right in the middle of the track you ask? Sheer vanity really, this all hit overdrive when Rahm Emmanuel announced the need not to “waste a crisis". From that point on these clowns without makeup pushed every far left, socialist, govt. takeover and control policy initiative possible. They did it unilaterally. They spent record amounts of borrowed $$$ and bribed each other in devil may care fashion with it.

As the smoke rises and their engine grows silent we see that they have accomplished little to nothing except a crushing federal debt. The fact is simple socialists Marxists and far left-wingers cannot lead our country at the highest levels. Their agenda is contrary to our economic systems fundamentals and their revisionist world view and social policies are acidic to our national well-being and security!

This needs to be written down in stone and remembered. ONE PARTY RULE IS A DICTATORSHIP, EITHER PARTY! FAR LEFTIST IDEALOGS ARE UNABLE TO SERVE AND PROTECT OUR CONSTITUTIONAL REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY. UN TAX BURDENED BUSINESS; ESPECIALLY SMALL BUSINESS CREATES GOODS, SERVICES, JOBS AND EVEN HIGHER LEVELS OF TAX REVENUE FROM THEIR RAPID ECONOMIC TURNOVER AND GROWTH.

Government and union control of business creates stagnation, unemployment and debt. You think these guys will admit to any of this just because the people now see it? Luckily their admittance is not needed just the people being aware and focused will fix this. Stay awake brothers and sisters and demand better. BHO is in a political box we need to keep making it smaller until it becomes his political coffin!

As conservatives and republicans rush into the political power void the Obama Pileup is creating. We must as citizens and voters express our expectations and oversee the process and outcomes. As one that worked local Republican Headquarters, wrote op/ed’s and generally pushed for George W. Bush only to see that party become fat, dumb and happy with congressional and executive power. I will suffer no foolishness from any of the political professionals ever again.

The wreckage is twisted and terrible but we all walk away wiser. The track will be slick for years to come but we can kill the debt, fix our economy and make ourselves safer if we demand a stop to spending, reduction in taxes and no quarter to terrorist regardless where they are found.

Everyone goes to the races for one thing, a great wreck. Well, we have gotten our money’s worth now! Times to clean up under the caution flag, do the pitting for new tires and take on a fresh tank full of high test is at hand. This race was really to nowhere but is nowhere near over even if the lead driver still wants to believe in running backwards and pretending he did not hit that wall. The Obama Pileup will make the political highlight clips for many decades. He will hang up his helmet for good in less than three years. Now there is the HOPE we NEED and the CHANGE we can BELIEVE IN!!! Listen to crowd roar!!!!