God, Mammon or Multi-Level Marketing (Have you met a C.M.L.M. Yet?)

So you visit a new church and someone with a very bright smile and a big warm handshake welcomes you. That’s to be expected right? In fact you might encounter several similarly friendly folk inside a church right? Well, you should though often you can sadly walk in and out of some fellowships and never hear a word except from those that have “Greeting” as their ministry.

Anyway let’s stay on topic and save that little observation for another day and another rant. So say one of these sweet people invites you to a party. Perhaps asks for your e-mail or phone number, wants you to come over for tea and dessert or insists on going to lunch sometime like right after service. Chances are you may have just encountered a C.M.L.M. A in the in the World you may ask? A Christian Multi Level Marketer, a C.M.L.M. for short.

The multi level marketing craze all started in the 1950’s. Its precursor being the “franchise”, where one could buy their own branch of an already established business. Some say this goes back to Ray Kroc and his start up of McDonalds. Multi Level Marketing to my estimation really began when nutritional, cosmetic and cleaning products companies started to proliferate door to door. Now let’s get it said up front Franchising and Multi Level Marketing are legal and legitimate businesses. My issue here is when they claim connection to and appear in force inside the Church of Jesus Christ.

Now keep in mind M.L.M.’s account for barely 1% of total retail sales in the U.S. Whereas about 50% of retail sales in the U.S. are attributed to franchises. So hats off to Mr. Kroc! Often you will hear a M.L.M. rep refer to M.L.M. as your greatest opportunity to start your own business and their particular company as the best since white bread, toilet paper and the coffee grinder. They are in reality giving you access to a slight sliver of the pie and will undoubtedly stand to profit personally from adding you to the fold and their personal “downline”. So buyer beware.

It might serve us well to remember a bit of scripture, namely Matthew 21:12 -13, Mark 11: 15 – 17. Luke 19: 45 – 46 and on. Here is a quick look at Mark 11:15-17:

15 On reaching Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple courts and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves, 16 and would not allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts. 17 And as he taught them, he said, “Is it not written: ‘My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations’[a]? But you have made it ‘a den of robbers.’]”

From this we might assume that Jesus did not stand for people selling anything in His Father’s House. That’s what I believe but you know some folks might argue.Same folks that like to wait on the hurricane to hit before dashing for the in lands. The type that might say; “I never sell in the church I just meet prospects”. Well that I contend is selling. Indeed this is what one gentleman told me after inviting me to a meeting about a “business opportunity”. I never went and within a couple of years this gentleman’s family was in shambles and that church was as well. Now I understand this is just a personal experience. Anecdotal evidence at best but I can multiply the number of incidence many times. How about you? Anyone have a “Witness”?

Over the years I have personally seen two churches crash and burn due in large part to M.L.M. inside those fellowships. I have seen dozens of friendships damaged, lost or turned to bitter hate amongst the “brethren”. I have also seen brothers and sisters in decent financial shape nearly ruined and others who were close to ruin pushed over the edge. In fact estimates place the number of those that succeed or end with a net profit as low as under 1% and as high a 30% overall. The vast majority earning well less than $100 dollars a month and averaging less than $2.00 an hour. Individual claims will vary for various particular groups but remember, M.L. M. gives you access to just 1% of all sales so consider the probabilities. Most that make money make it on their downlines, those they sign up and take a percentage of sales including their purchase of “inventory”.

It might be making you money, it might help you make friends and it might be a source of hope and excitement. Sadly, statistically when the excitement fades you might find the hope was just like the type promised in 2008. In other words FALSE!

My advice is if one of those sweet smiling C.M.L.M.’s approaches you perhaps you might ask the Head Pastor what the churches policy is on M.L.M. If it turns out that person is his wife, brother, sister or best buddy well there may be a problem getting along if you do not go to “the party”. All I can tell you is Jesus’ might not approve. We would all do well to consult Him before we join the C.M.L.M flock! Here are a few links for your personal consideration. Free of Charge!!!

http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/retail/2011-02-07-multilevelmarketing03_CV_N.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multi_level_marketing

Christmas and New Years, the most emotionally over loaded week on most folk’s calendar, is upon us. Once again we find ourselves rushing about chasing our gift lists, refining our guest lists and wondering if Santa even knows about our own wee little wish lists. Offices party, family’s party, neighbor’s party and people we may not even know will party with some finding themselves in the raucous merry midst of it all.





Still others may just sit by an aging phone that seldom rings. Remembering the places and faces that filled the sweet celebrations of lighter louder days but now are only faint memories stirred by the season but nearly lost in its present heavy stillness.

In between the two extremes bounce a majority of we everyday people, rushing to the next festivity, reunion, performance or gathering. These are busy grown up people, unaware of the long gone youth of joyful wonders and jolly excitement still in the offings of a familiar old song. Surprised when they bursts out strongly as the Peanuts gather round Charlie Browns little tree, that just needed a little love or Rudolf soars off blazing victorious into the storm of the century.

The holidays mean many different things to many different people. Indeed we can find ourselves in a pickle just wishing the wrong person the wrong celebratory wishes for a holiday they might not even acknowledge or perhaps be opposed to.

What has happened to Christmas? Sure we can mostly all agree on New Years as long as we stick to the “Common Era” ending and leave the “Anno Domani” designation alone but why all the division and emotional mine fields out there hidden in the holidays?

One little word is the reason, Christ. If you take that one little word out of the mix all the conflicts go away. You still have Santa and Rudolf, Frosty, Heat & Cold Miser as well as all the elves and warm happy endings you can shake a stick at.

Still what hope is there for those really “Home Alone”? Where is the comfort and joy of the folks whose phones seldom ring and have lost more friends and family than they remember? Their hope, comfort and joy is in that one little word and that is what we should be celebrating. Not out of malice, as so many politically correct and overtly angry atheists and others would believe but out of reverence, thankfulness and yes, joy.

Christmas and New Years can bring out the best and worst in people. Their selflessness as well as their prejudice, their happy memories as well as their losses and longings can mix with their hopes, disappointments and dreams to find them emotionally charged way past the usual load. Our dual natures and imperfections can rise out of us and serve only to point out what Christmas is really all about.

In my own memories from way back to rotary phones and rabbit eared TV’s I recall the best explanation that stopped a young heathen boy in his tracks one December long ago. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pn10FF-FQfs

Hold on to the best of what Christmas is all about this year and do not let anyone take Christ out of your New Year either! Blessings, Merry Christmas and to all…a good night!
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Sports Dad Mania: 5 Helpful Tips

Parents and sports can be a volatile mix. The overly emotional and explosive connections are not just confined to dads either. Sadly we have seen actual fatalities occur in recent years. We need to nip this in the bud for ourselves and our kids.
In years past I spent a decade officiating High School Basketball as a single guy. I encountered everything from drunken yahoos to Local TV personalities with an ego to coaches from other teams hammering out their blackball list for the playoffs. In between all that mess were many sane, balanced and professional moms, dads, coaches and others rolling down a given season's ups and downs.
Having purposed not to recreate the insanity I saw from the business end of the whistle should I ever be a sports dad let me make a few suggestions.

1. Broaden your involvement and perspective.
2. Join the local sports boosters.
3. Run the concessions.
4. Coach a team or two.
5. Officiate a sport (in a league your kids have no ties to).

It is natural to want our kids to excel. What is not natural, healthy or helpful is when the motive is mostly vicarious. In other words our own unfinished business, past successes or failures get projected onto our son or daughter. By broadening our connections to the local sports support groups we create our own healthy outlet where we can sew into many kids experience. This leaves our children able to be about their business on the field unencumbered by what we left undone decades before.

For me it helps to have seven kids. There is just no way to be over shadowing so many. I had 3 sons on one baseball team this year, each very different in focus and ability. I also had 1 daughter in softball, another in HS cross country, one in band, and one in soccer and coached a Basket ball team to an 8-1 season with ongoing dance and piano lessons for fun.

If you feel stressed at games and nagged at home, step back and find your outlet. Set an example for your kids to follow when they are the grey hair that never quite could or wishes he could again. You might find helping a whole bunch of kids so much more fun and fulfilling. As for the nagging thing, hey you are on your own!
Blessings,

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http://freespeakerbureau.com/profile.php/member_no/1000920

Spiritual Jujitsu and Other Fighting Tips for the Poorly Fathered

Sometimes growing up is the battle of a lifetime. All too often the very one who should be our trainer, coach and mentor is in reality our first adversary. With or without intent, by abandonment or in person a Bad Dad is the first high hurdle some face. Sadly, many may never clear this obstacle. Still, I have learned a trick or two bouncing off the mats towards maturity and I am not afraid to share.

I say I am not afraid because someone can perhaps spin a sadder tale of woes and struggle than you or I can. The value in the story is not simply the height of the mountains faced and conquered. More important are the techniques that enable victory and the reason for fighting in the first place.

My personal heartrending yarn begins with my mom and dads break-up in 1964. Dad was a truck driver, rarely around. It seems he was a good time kind of guy. Guitars, honky-tonks and hillbilly music so to say.

In a few years, my mom re-married and I had a step-dad. Interesting chap always had a 25-caliber pistol in the small of his pants. Under his careful watch, I learned how to load rocks and gravel properly on a wheelbarrow, proper concrete mixture techniques as well as the fine art of stonewall construction. For a five year old, this seemed fun for about six minutes.

By middle school, it was accepted knowledge in my “family” that I was a stupid, worthless, talentless and ugly oaf whose laziness was the stuff of legends. Anger had long ago grown into bitterness and whole hearted hatred for me. So when a second round of parental infidelity and divorce erupted I was well equipped to embrace the dysfunction.

During this period, my mom had a nervous breakdown. For the better part of this time, she took her pills, drank cheap wine and cried. I hated watching her suffer all the while not quite able to understand much beyond the hate or to help beyond refilling her glass.

I share this sob story simply to point out that I have not recreated the hurts and chaos I was born and bred to continue. In fact, I have been married for nearly 20 years to one wonderful woman. I have seven children who range from high school to toddlerdom. Four of which are currently six-year-old quadruplet and I have been their at-home dad for some seven years.

What happened you wonder? Well, a bit of spiritual jujitsu, you might say. Oh, I spent a wayward youth and young adulthood. However, one night, Valentines Evening 1987 to be exact, I found out that God cared. That was the crazy evening that He put a snowplow in my path. While I was going 60 miles an hour!

No this is not an illustrative verse, an allegory, metaphor or what ever. I hit a snowplow! I hit it good and I hit it hard. I should have died but I did not even bleed. I later saw pictures of my car. If you had been in the back, you would have died, if you were in the passenger seat they would have had to bury the whole car to make sure they got all of you. I had only a big bruise right over my heart. Now there is your metaphor.

Now I am not an evangelist. I am just your average at home dad of Quads plus three. My goal is not preaching. It is simply to share the flat out in your face truth that turns all the anguish and hurt aimed at you, now and over the years, across your hip, over your shoulders and flat on it’s evil ass. Learn this one simple move and you will be able to toss the weight of the world off your back.

It is as simple as just plain Forgiveness! Yea I had a messed up dad and an even more messed up step-dad. Sure mom lost it and I was a messed up dude who made many bad choices. Nevertheless, the anger, the bitterness and wholehearted hatred I carried for them and I was nothing more than a chokehold from hell itself.

Our culture is dying one poorly parented child at a time. There is no government solution to this. Nor any social redefinition of marriage or family that will make a thimble full of difference. This all takes places in the heart and soul of guys like you and me. This is the battle of our lifetime. The reason to fight straddles the gulf between our own personal eternity and the hearts and future of the children we father.

It is easy to forgive when you know you have been forgiven. It is also easier to follow an example than make it up on your own. This is where Christ made the difference for me. Now I am not an evangelist but I have seen and been a part of a miracle. Come to my house for a day and you will see it too.

My dad, he was drafted at 18 into the first wave of the Korean War and drove a truck for the Marines. By age 20, he had three Bronze Stars and accompanying Purple Hearts. That means he went through hell in a hat basket. He never got all the way over it either.

My step-dad was raised with an alcoholic father that beat him for sport. By 19, he had enlisted in the Navy and went out on liberty only to tie on a blind drunk that ended in a killing. From age 20 to 31, he was on the chain gang in the Georgia State Penal system for manslaughter. By age 33, he was parenting my brother and me.

Mom had lost her dad at 13 and developed a heart to help broken men. She did not realize that some wounds need a savior to truly mend the damage. She paid a high price for her well-intentioned efforts.

You see I know all this now and I can look back with compassion and love. I can let them all go and leave the hate and the hurt behind. This is the reason I purpose to be a dad like none my families history has ever seen. Forgiven, whole and aware of his place in the chain of fathers, sons, daughters and destiny.

This guys, is my lesson in fighting the battle of your lifetime. It can be done and won. Spiritual jujitsu, bending like a reed in the wind and letting the pain blow away. Sound too simple but it takes time and practice. If you need an example that is my hope. Look at me and see a tiny bit of Jesus and the heart of the Father He and I share. In their care all the fighting ends and your own victory begins. Do not linger for your own snowplow to join us; your kids may not have the time to wait.

Parenting for Fun and Profit?
By now everyone has seen the merriment and mayhem of parents and their multiples on “Reality TV”. All the free VIP tours of resort parks, major tourist locales and name brand shopping chains have sent many flocking for IVF treatment. Or was there anyone beside Nadja Suleman? Take it from me what you see on TV is about as reliable as the “Mixxie Chopper” for $5.99 that dices, slices and screens annoying calls. Of course the “mixxie “will fall apart the 1st time it leaves your dishwasher and so sadly do most of the made for TV family cash ins. Remember this, whatever they are selling on TV; if you don’t buy it, it goes away! The trouble is too many are buying into these concocted “family” circuses.

Parenting today is a most serious business. Just Goggle “parenting books” you will find 14 million 5 hundred thousand hits! Try “parenting author” you get a mere 18 million 6 hundred thousand. Forgive me if I sound a bit jaded but I have an unusual perspective. Yes I am an at home dad, of quadruplets plus three. Yep, teens to toddlers with 40 acres, 8 dogs, 8 horses, a smattering of cattle and Lord knows how many cats (all spayed or neutered).


Now I am not alone here in the mega dad pool, Brian Reid http://www.rebeldad.com/, Dennis Ross http://www.iparenting.com/dad/0702.htm , http://personalweb.about.com/gi/o.htm?zi=1/XJ&zTi=1&sdn=personalweb&cdn=compute&tm=191&gps=219_383_1020_567&f=10&su=p284.9.336.ip_p504.1.336.ip_&tt=11&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//quads9.homestead.com/ and maybe a few more deserve some acclaim for having made it through the challenge of a domestic male in the middle of mega multiples and more. I believe myself, Mr. Reid, Mr. Ross and many amazing everyday at-home dads, at-home-moms and just regular moms and dads, grandparents and a myriad of steps all have one thing in common. Our priority and focus is on our kids. Not so much the next round of “Dancing With the Stars”, finding a spot on the “Today Show”, revamping our failed “shows” to keep cashing in on Cable TV’s big-top sideshow revue.



People who parent as a priority, not a profession, let alone as a media personality are the greatest asset our kids and culture have. Some simply prioritize family in an effort to recreate the warm healthy home they flourished in. Others purpose not to recreate the disruptions and confusion of a home life broken, bruised, confused yet overcome. Still more are a little lost having no healthy template to go by and circumstances out of their control. In some of those 14 million 5 hundred thousand hits for “parenting books” there is actually some really good stuff but the real help is closer to you than cyberspace or Books-A-Near-Billion.

Clubs and organizations are out there but they are only as great as the successful parents in them. Those that are making it happen and doing it well must reach out and share their victories, wisdom, heart and purpose. Daddys Home http://www.daddyshome.com/, Mothers of Preschoolershttp://www.mops.org/ , Mothers of Multipleshttp://www.mothersofmultiples.com/, Parents without Partners http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org/ and many others are great resources but it is the personal connections, friendships and outreach they offer that can make the difference.

So as summer brings us the promise of refurbishes and reruns of somewhat entertaining yet potentially destructive, exploitive and dysfunctional “family” entertainment check around for some real relational space you might share with a real family that deserves some help. Offer to baby-sit, call to include or strike up a casual affirming conversation. You do not need to write a book or give a sermon, just set some examples and offer a sincere hand. Your real life connection and caring might mute some of the noise our cash-in culture keep blaring like a crazed carnival barker. Near desperate to promote their half-baked household cabarets with their highly lucrative commercials and freaky future episode promos that keep all three rings roaring along.
* Photos courtesy of http://www.freephotos.com or public domain.

I've got Mail

Being a dad or a mom is not always easy. It has always seemed as if parenting provides a small view of God’s perspective on folks in general. There is that protective and nurturing season, where the nearly helpless infant needs nearly everything to be done for them. Then the progressive independence that leads to a time of teenaged near blind rebellion. Yep, parenting is a lens that shows so much about our own shortcomings and seditious spirits. That is if we make the humbling effort to distinguish it in the clutter a busy day of parenting.

It is far too easy to just barrel through and not take notice of how we act and react to our kids in all their twists, turns and sputters towards maturity. Many times we find ourselves regretting how we handled a circumstance or two. It is a tricky business dealing with the various differences in stages, personalities and temperaments. Even more so, I suppose for those like we who have several at the same age at the same time. Indeed, I find myself wishing sometimes that our Quads were back at that hectic but predicable infant age. That was a time consuming stage but if planned properly it was manageable and easy to understand.

I guess what I am attempting to explain is what God has dropped in my mailbox today. I am inadequate to the task. I cannot grasp it all from toddler to teen in our home here today. I cannot see over the horizon to what adult kids with tweeners and kindergartener will look like. I cannot guess what grandkids and teen Quads with a tweener will require. On even until all the kids are gone and ….

What God seems to telling me is that I am not sufficient. Even I and my amazing wife together are still not sufficient. But we are able if we accept the Grace to be inadequate, insufficient and less than perfect. That Grace is sufficient. Having done all things we must stand in faith of His Grace. Humbled by the overwhelming realization that in all our season until nothing but pictures and fond memories remain of our unique time. His Grace is more than able to accomplish all that is before us and more. Indeed it will accomplish His will. Even more so if I will let loose of my own!

There, I feel better having shared the mail. I can do this with my peace restored and full of happy expectation because I am not in control. So if you are having one of those out of control kind of days. Stop and check your mailbox or just write your name over this address and let the weight slip off of your shoulder and on to His.

Kate Gosselin: SuperStar!!!

Kate Gossilen is truly a star now, no SuperStar! Her light twinkles in the faux skies of Hollywood working the angles and elbowing after the gilded ring of small screen success. Her claim to fame and major talent? The use of IVF, conception of higher-order multiples and one failed high profile marriage as seen on TV. Now we are to believe that in order to “keep her family fed” to steal a line from The Beverly Hillbillies, she must be about the business of celebrity and stardom. I mean why let all that expensive plastic surgery, designer hair treatment, personal training and publicist staffing go to waste. Of course perhaps if the money had been invested, saved or earmarked to a trust fund for the welfare of the children. Jon & Kate might still be a couple and their show still reigning on TLC but I digress.

Nearly two years ago I began to question the dangers of exploiting higher-order multiples for fun and profit by their parents. I did it in the pages of Twins’ Magazine, America’s #1 magazine for parents of multiples for some 25 years. At the time I was a columnist at Twin’s and had been contacted by several TV and network TV producers regarding my family of 7 kids with quadruplets in the middle and myself the at-home dad and my amazing wife the successful business women and mega-mom. Jon & Kate were at that time darlings of TLC and promoting a book published by Christian publisher Zondervan. Oh yes indeed God was all in their marriage, conception and etcetera, on and on blah, blah, blah.

Needless to say I experienced some pushback and found my articles no longer needed. In less than two months however Jon & Kate imploded and were off the air in about a year. Now I know I did not cause that to happen but what I had pointed out was correct. The real parenting “stars” are the folks in the trenches. The ones, who do the 2am feedings, change the countless diapers; wash the mountains of laundry and acres of bottles, dishes and Sippy cups. These are those that have no nannies, receive no royalties, gain no notoriety nor enter Disney or other resorts for free with film crew in tow.

Now Kate peruses among the “swimming pools and movie stars” as a “THE” working single mom of note. Let me re state that this is just sad and somewhat sick. There is more failure here than star power and failure where it counts the most. In a marriage that is now some type of broken, blended spectacle and curiosity. I understand fully that therefore but by the grace of God and a heap of hillbilly common sense go me and mine. I can say that with all sincerity and credentials. I hope any that employ Ms. Gosselin will take steps to see that the children get the benefits. I also pray that those that have sat in the parenting frontlines and not flinched, faltered or been famed get the kudos for being the real stars not some would-be reality SuperStar.